Confidence and strength

I find that in order to be confident I can't be open. For me to feel confident, I can't let people in, i have to have that distance, that wall up.I feel closed off, I can't feel vulnerable and open. I need to change that feeling, I need to be confident, strong, and open and vulnerable. The question is how?

Finding the amazing me

A few years ago, I was happy being on my own. I felt strong, confident, fun, smart, sparkling and shiny. This was a big step for an only child that has never liked being alone. And I met an amazing man, and we fell in love. Somewhere between then and now, I lost that shiny happy girl. I don't know what happened. On the outside I still appear to be smart, collected, witty.... But I don't feel that way on the inside. I feel small, scared, vulnerable, lost.... And almost powerless to make the changes I know are necessary because I have no idea where to begin. I'm standing at a starting point, I know there's a path before me, but I can't see if for the swirling fog of my thoughts, emotions, and fears. I need to make that first step. But which way Is the right way to go?

Untethered

I feel unattached, rootless, broken.
A significant relationship ended, one that I relied on, that was part of my foundation. And the overwhelming thing that I feel... Is afloat. I wanted so badly to feel that sense of belonging. That I belonged to someone, and they belonged to me. Instead of this feeling that I'm drifting through life not really being noticed. Or if I am noticed, it's only peripherally. I go places and see things, and I wonder if it leaves an impression on people. I know it leaves an impression in me.

Change

"The whole universe is change and life itself is but what you deem it."
— Marcus Aurelius

How did such a wise man with such wise words cope with unwelcome change?